A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and
a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious 'Al-Gebra' movement. He did not identify the man, who has been
charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and
extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code
names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.'
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had wanted us to have
better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House
aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow. |
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